Everyone who knows me, like really knows me, knows there was a time I couldn’t sit in the same room with my ex. I hung up on him no fewer than 1836 time during our PDRP (post-divorce recovery period). I broke at least two of my phones and at least three hairbrushes from just needing to “hurt” something after a very angry conversation with my ex.
Divorces are nasty, and mine was as nasty as they come. A bitter, broken marriage turned into an outright war during and after the divorce with my children being the most wounded in battle. We fought for the kids, around the kids and about the kids. The kids will need adult counseling. And we should pay for it. It’s our fault.
But much time has passed. I learned boundaries. I found God. I learned forgiveness. And I quit living under a storm cloud of parenting guilt. I quit operating as a wounded, bitter failure and began to find peace and confidence I didn’t know could exist.
I am going to keep this post short today, because I am not going to give you a list of how to’s or practical action steps in order to find peace and joy in your life again. I am not going to give you a step-by-step plan to teach you how to get along with your ex. I am just going to ask you one question: Do you want to get better?
You might be eager to say, “Yes! I want to find peace. I want to get along better with my ex. But it’s not my fault. He/she just brings drama to every situation.” And if you said this, I don’t doubt that you would mean it. But unless you actually want to heal, and are committed to having peace and joy in your life, it will never happen. And many of you (like me at the time) are comforted by the pain of the struggle with your ex, perhaps even addicted to it, carrying it around like a security blanket, then getting indignant when someone suggests you “let it go.”
So I will leave you with his today: Are you ready to get better?
If you are ready, start with this prayer, “Lord help me to open to healing. Amen.”
The road ahead will still be brutal on some days. You might even throw a few hissy fits and break a few innocent hairbrushes, but when you start praying for your own willingness to heal, you will be surprised at the results.
You might even find yourself and your new husband sitting with your ex and your kids in church on Sundays.
I never could have imagined that this day would come, but it has, and it’s all through the power of God working in each of us, and a point that came years ago where I decided, I was ready.